Archives For Bobbie Lackey

Soul Wounds

December 7, 2016

Attach: Join, put together, connect. Abandon: Throw away, dispose of, dump.

Abandonment and Attachment…two important words that affect our ability to have relationships. In his book “Why You Do the Things You Do“, Tim Clinton says that the following questions point to important aspects of relationship:

Are you there for me?

Can I count on you?

Do you really care about me?

Am I worthy of your love and protection?

What do I have to do to get your attention, your affection, your heart?

How a person answers these questions indicates how secure their attachments are. If a person has been abandoned in any way, they will be very insecure. A child can perceive abandonment in a number of different ways that may seem very benign to a parent at the time. Dr. Mary Ainsworth did a study on the interaction between Moms and their babies to measure how secure a child feels in a relationship. What she found led to the labeling of four distinct types of relationship styles: the first being secure, and the other three – ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized – being insecure. A study of Christian college students found that those students with insecure relationship styles felt anxious, overwhelmed, and angry. The ones with an ambivalent relationship style tended to doubt their salvation very frequently, wondering if they had really said the right things to God when they were saved or even if maybe they had committed the unpardonable sin. The ones with avoidant styles tended to give up on God when things didn’t go as they thought they should and would begin to follow sinful habits. Those with a disorganized style vacillated between responding in ambivalent, avoidant or even secure ways to God.

Perhaps understanding these relationship styles can help us understand why it is so difficult for some people to draw near to the Lord. It is not always simply a lack of discipline or an inadequate prayer life, but a deeper issue that we call a “soul wound.” Soul wounds can cause a person to get spiritually stuck and unable to move forward to draw near to our Lord. But, the good news is that our early, unhealthy relationship styles don’t have to mean lifelong problems. Our God is a redemptive God and through His power and grace, awareness of why we do the things we do, and a bit of courage, these self-defeating tendencies can be overcome.

This is the main goal and ministry of the Christian Counseling Center: to help people heal wounds and work through painful situations that often are blocking a secure and vibrant relationship with Christ Jesus. Please call us if you or someone you love is struggling and needs a counselor to come alongside and help them to heal so they can have a more secure attachment to Jesus and to others. You can request an appointment at any time by clicking here.

(Image By Christoph Hessel)

Bobbie Lackey

Bobbie Lackey

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All Things for Good

October 10, 2016

Some people I meet with have been so unspeakably abused by others, it is almost impossible for them or me to grasp how something so horrific could a) be allowed by God and b) be used for good.

Thomas Watson, a 17th Century writer who wrote the little book, All Things for Good has done an excellent job of helping to unpack this concept. In chapter two, he deals with how the worst things work for good for the godly and I would like to share a portion of these concepts. First, he clarifies that these worse things are a fruit of the curse and that though naturally evil; the wise overruling hand of God transforms them and uses them for the good of the universe. One of the evils he discusses is the evil of affliction.

-Affliction teaches what sin is and helps us to see it in our own heart. We may hear about how horrible sin is, but until we experience it ourselves, we have no idea. And, having experienced it, we see our own sinfulness in our reaction to it.

-Afflictions are the means of making the heart more upright. When things are going well, our hearts are apt to be divided between the world and God. When the world draws us away from God, affliction can pull us back again.

-Afflictions conform us to Christ. Our goal is to be like Christ. Christ’s life was a series of sufferings. He wept and bled. Jesus drank a bitter cup; it made Him sweat drops of blood to think of it. He did it for us – if He gives us this path, can we walk on it for Him, even when we don’t understand why?

-Afflictions are destructive to sin. There is much corruption in the best heart; affliction does by degrees work it out, as the fire works out the dross from the gold.

-Afflictions are the means of loosening our hearts from the world.

-Afflictions make a way for comfort. God sweetens outward pain with inward peace. “Your sorrow shall be turned into joy” )

-Afflictions are a magnifying of us…in that a) God would go so low as to take notice of us and find us worthy to be smitten b) they are ensigns of glory, signs of sonship and c) they make the saints renowned in the world…’ye have heard of the patience of job”…()

-Afflictions are a means of making us happy. When God sets our worldly comforts on fire, then we run to Him, and make our peace with Him and find happiness in His nearness.

-Afflictions put to silence the wicked. Wicked men are silenced when they see that the godly will keep close to God in a suffering condition and even though they lose all will hold fast their integrity.

-Afflictions make way for glory. God first lays the dark colors of affliction as a backdrop and then lays the golden color of glory which then shines even brighter.

Working through the pain of the past is difficult…but what a magnificent victory when that terrible darkness is covered over by God’s glorious light!

Bobbie Lackey

Bobbie Lackey

Licensed Professional Counselor View More Posts »
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11 Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. (ESV)

Through the Stained Glass

December 4, 2012

First Presbyterian Church is a beautiful, historic church with excellent teaching and I am blessed to be able to worship there. One Sunday, I was sitting in Church and glanced over at the stained glass windows. I have always thought the windows were very pretty but what I saw that morning was absolutely spectacular. The sun was shining through one of the windows and it looked alive with color. I could hardly keep my eyes off of it. I would keep stealing glances at it so I could remember some of my thoughts about it after I left since I didn’t want to spend my time thinking about it then.

In reflecting back to that experience, I remembered looking at the other windows and how plain and ordinary they looked in comparison. I thought, this is a picture of how our lives are without the light of Jesus in them – we are plain and ordinary. I thought back to a time when I saw that kind of light in a woman I worked with. She was new in the office and just seemed to have an inner beauty and peace – different from anyone else I knew. As we became friends, we discussed spiritual things from time to time. She invited me on a women’s retreat with her church and I was looking forward to going. In the meantime, I had a doctor’s appointment. At the doctor’s office was a nurse that also seemed different. I again observed an inward beauty and peace. I noted it but didn’t think anything else about it…until I got on the bus to go to the women’s retreat. There in one of the seats was the nurse! I thought to myself, what do they have that I don’t? My friend and I had talked about our beliefs and I believed the same things that she did – I had grown up in the church and attended Sunday School regularly until I went to college. But these women had something I wanted. As we talked, I realized I knew about God and scripture, but they actually knew Him as a friend. The next morning high on a mountain I prayed and asked Jesus to come into my heart so I could know Him personally. I no longer wanted to go my own way – I wanted to go His way. I felt different afterward. I felt like that stained glass window looked – on fire and beautiful inside.

I see a lot of clients and often many of them have such a distorted view of who God is. Oh, how I want them to truly know Jesus and feel that inner peace. Too many times I don’t let His light shine through me so they will want that relationship too. May we all strive to be like that stained glass window – alive with color and inner beauty so others will be drawn to Jesus – the one true path to peace.

Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you
()

 

Bobbie Lackey

Bobbie Lackey

Licensed Professional Counselor View More Posts »
More about Bobbie »

60:1 Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. (ESV)